How to Start a Conversation About Your Aging Loved One with Your Siblings

The conversation can be one of the toughest conversations to have. If you are realizing that it is time to discuss the long-term care for your aging loved one, you have likely recognized signs of aging. It could be that they are struggling with their memory or not being able to handle normal daily tasks.

Whatever the signs might be, it can be tough trying to figure out how to discuss their care with your siblings. We wanted to put together some tips on how to make the discussion and creation of a plan as easy as possible.

Set A Date, Avoid the Ambush

There is something to be said about creating a dedicated time and place to have such a sensitive discussion with your siblings. We have seen it happen where people bring up this discussion with their siblings at a holiday family get together and it doesn’t go well.

Your siblings may feel ambushed or emotional about the discussion and springing the discussion on them at a family get together can add additional emotions to the discussion.

We know that a lot of holidays are the only times that all family members are able to come together but you need to set a dedicated time where they all know what will be discussed. It will give your siblings some time to process the emotions around the conversation and also not leave them feeling surprised. You also want to avoid giving anybody a negative connotation around a specific holiday.

Prepare and Know Some Siblings Might Feel Differently

One of the most important things to realize is that one or more of your siblings might have a difference of opinion and that they might also have a point. If you go into the discussion with simply having the goal of convincing your siblings that your assessment is correct, it won’t be a productive discussion.

You will need to remember that the ultimate goal is making sure your loved one has proper care today and well into the future. If you keep that goal in your head it will make for a productive conversation.

Prepare to Highlight Signs that You’ve Seen

If you facilitate this discussion with your siblings, you can’t show up to the meeting with just “feelings” that your parent is aging and needs additional care. You will need to have specific examples of what you see happening to make you feel this way. Are they not keeping up their house like they used to? Have they had some falls recently that were never an issue before? Feelings will be running high between all of you during this discussion and its important to have some facts to validate your opinions.

Don’t Let the Past Sibling Roles Dictate the Conversation

It is a common misstep we see happen when discussing an aging loved one’s care between family members. The older sibling might feel like they should take charge of the discussion because they have always felt like the eldest should have some kind of parental role over the younger siblings. Senior Living Specialists have operated as a moderator when working with families to avoid this exact pitfall and it could be a good option if you believe this could be a potential challenge during discussions.

In closing, remember all of these tips to help facilitate a useful and reasonable discussion. At the end of the day, it needs to be remembered you all are working towards the same goal: make sure your aging loved one is taken care of.